Artist Statement:
 
It’s no surprise that I paint a lot of dark things such as skulls, moths and bugs. Mushrooms too, grow in the dark. The irony of mushrooms is they’re actually rich in vitamin D. Most people who struggle with a mental health condition have a vitamin D deficiency. Not everything dark is necessarily “bad”. 
 
2025 has been notably one of the hardest years of my life and that’s not putting it lightly. I returned to work 2 different times and quickly it became extremely challenging to balance a job on top of my small business, YouTube channel, and other creative endeavors. 
 
I have faced the worst creative block for over a year and my mental health tanked more times than I can count. My finances even took a plummet. Since leaving my corporate job back in 2024, I went from making the most money to the least. Some months I barely got by and I had no idea how I was going to put food on the table. 
 
I questioned my path in life more times than I can count. My faith was challenged and I found myself praying for God to soften my heart because I found myself just fed up and angry. 
 
Everyone talks about how anger is a negative emotion but I feel like it shows up when your soul is telling you that shit needs to change. I walked away from friendships, jobs, a relationship, and  even family members. For the first time in my life, I told people what I needed. It came from a place of self worth and let me tell you, I paid the price for it. 
 
Ever since I was a little kid, I was  known as the the quiet one. The introvert. The observer. Being alone hasn’t really ever been a problem for me since I recharge best in my solitude, but this year hit me different. 
 
There’s a sense of loneliness that washed over me. Not lonely because I’m not around people, but lonely because the connection I’m craving goes so much deeper. Maybe it’s because I’ve masked myself my entire life and people really didn’t know who I truly was. I was the people pleaser. The one everyone liked, maybe even tolerated.  
 
This year my eyes were opened up to a lot. I now know what I want in friendships and a relationship. I know what kind of character my future husband will have. Not because I need love, but because my eyes are wide open to what I truly deserve. There’s so much I have faced alone throughout my life. Especially in 2025. 
 
When the name of this painting came to me, I was sending a video chat to one of my friends. In the video clip I said, "this feels almost like a dark night of the soul". I don't exactly know why it came to me in that moment, but I heard it on a spiritual level.
 
Afterwards, I researched what Dark Night of the Soul actually means. Dark night of the soul represents personal growth on a spiritual level. It's a deep inner crisis that leads to personal transformation. It is described to feel like a loss of purpose or passion (I faced the worst creative block this year), intense loneliness, identity confusion (who am I without art?), and emotional numbness (I was having a hard time releasing emotions). Old wounds, patterns and fears surface at the same time, which is spot on because the relationship I had triggered all of this. All of my past hurts, fears, and patterns came boiling to the surface. It also opened up my eyes to what I want and what I don't want. It felt like my life was falling apart so many times.
 
External validation looses its power, old coping mechanisms no longer work, creative burnout hits you (several times this year), outgrowing people roles and environments, along with long term emotional suppression surfacing. According to ChatGPT if you move through it you create stronger boundaries/self trust, detachment from people pleasing/external validation, clearer creative voice, grounded sense of "I know who I am now", and peace with solitude. When I read into it, I was shocked with how deeply this resonated with me.
 
The angler fish lives in the depths of the ocean. This symbolizes the deep depression that I felt "stuck" in for most of this year. This year was full of darkness, but despite the challenges I faced - I kept going. That is what the light on the fish represents. Putting on your own oxygen mask first. The light on the top right of the canvas is the light coming from the top of the ocean. It symbolizes God in my life. The bubbles symbolize little pockets of oxygen. In my case, they represent self care such as booking massages, going to yoga classes, journaling, meditating, and physical exercise.
Angler fish may look scary to some, but they are part of the ecosystem. They're pretty magnificent creatures if you ask me... even if they are ugly. LOL!
 
I finished this painting tonight and I am honestly so proud of myself for pushing through this artist block. Despite the challenges, I choose to face adversity head on. Even though this year was one of the hardest seasons of my life, it matured me in ways that I can't describe. I hope you enjoy this piece as much as I do.
 
This is "Dark Night of the Soul" 🐟✨
 
Several hours were invested into this piece.
 
The 2D effect of this painting really stands out and gives it a "coming to life" moment. 
 
A glossy polyurethane finish was used to protect this piece.
 
Canvas Size: 16" x 20"
 
This original painting comes with a signed certificate of authenticity by the artist.